MOOOOVEEEEMMMBEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Before I start this, I’d like to make it clear that I am in no way against relationships, in fact, I very much condone them when it’s the real deal.
In the past week or so, I’ve felt alienated by friends, family, co-workers, bosses, people I don’t even like, people who don’t even like me, etc.
Someone (we’ll call him Homeboy #1) said to me the other day, “So John, what’s goin on, man? You work at this cafe with all these gorgeous girls… I mean you’re a good looking guy… why are you single?”
I picked up my grandmother on my way home to Rochester the other day, and one of our conversation pieces was “We need to find you a cute girl that you can go on dates with!”
I told Homeboy #1 that I’m emotionally attracted to a very small percentage of the girls I meet. I don’t mean that how it sounds, and I’m sure someone will twist those words around to make it sound like I said something I didn’t say. Thanks in advance for that. Stick with me for a minute here.
My grandma and I found ourselves in a conversation where I explained to her where I’m at in my life and why a girlfriend is not a necessity, but a luxury; a luxury that could cause more harm than anything else.
Then a few friends raised their eyebrows. That’s when I decided “OK, this is ridiculous. Why is everyone all of a sudden so concerned about me?… Especially when I should be concerned with some of THEM?” So I’m going to explain to you why I’m more than ok with being a single 23-year-old dude (…doesn’t sound so weird when I say it like that. See? We’re already making progress.)
Let’s begin with high school and college.
Throughout those eight years, I was really really into these two girls (We’ll call them Homegirl #1 and Homegirl #2) and my love ended up being unrequited. For a long time, I was pretty bummed about it all and I really let it get to my head.
I dated a few other girls and it ended as pointlessly as it began because the chemistry and attraction simply wasn’t there. I think I ended up breaking a heart or two (or three?). The ideal situation would have been that I never dated them at all, spared them the trouble, and not wasted their time. I realized that I’d much rather wait around for something I end up being in love with than just date a girl because it’s convenient.
During these school years, I noticed that most of the other girls that I took into consideration already had boyfriends. Then I noticed that a lot of my friends always had girlfriends or boyfriends. When those relationships ended, they would jump right to another person within a few weeks, or a month at most.
I thought that was normal (which made me the weird one), but came to realize that it was actually pathetic and possibly unhealthy. Here’s why:
If you have a significant other, and then you break up with them and jump right to another person (and repeat the process if applicable), then you’re completely missing out on the part of your life where you learn how to be by yourself. A lot of people who do this are the same people who “get lonely”. They also consider the “ultimate goal” in life to be finding “the one” (there are so many other goals you should have in your life that are of equal importance!)
But I digress. More on that later.
I woke up one morning last February and had a mini-epiphany (possibility that the correct term is “catharsis”). I realized that things in my life are actually pretty awesome: I actually HAVE a job in the worst economic downturn in American history since the Great Depression. I have some unbelievable friends in scattered areas of the North East. I play in a band that people actually pay attention to instead of walking out of the room. I have an awesome family, a car that I really like, some laughable musical talent, I’m healthy, I’m in pretty good shape, and I’m only slightly awkward. I realized that I had been taking a lot of things for granted and had been focusing all my energy into these few heartbreaks that, in time, will prove to be trivial at worst.
I was shining. From that day on, every day was a good day. My outlook on life was extremely positive. I was happy to be single, and proud to be selfish. I was (and still am) proud of the fact that when I go to bed, I don’t have to call ANYONE.
Now I’ve been single for… I don’t even know how many years. I learned how to be by myself. I’m 100% confident that I’m a stronger and happier person because of that. I no longer get lonely. Ever. I no longer get jealous of other people’s “happy” relationships… and I’m CERTAINLY not jealous of their very fragile and wussy emotional needs.
So why do I not have a girlfriend? It’s because I only date a girl if I’m REALLY attracted to her and serious about it, and because I’m completely comfortable being alone.
I am enjoying the ride, and am in no rush to make it to the finish line. I’m at a point where I’m loving the fact that my life is MY LIFE. I have my own stand-alone identity; an identity that is not contingent on the status of my relationship with someone else.
I am the spitting image of freedom. You wish you had what I have.
Hopefully this clears up that area of my life!
Thanks for getting down,
John
DOUGH NAYT!
New Athletics video. Get down/etc.
Days 8 and 9. Donate.
Not my favorite one, but that’s not the point. The point is DONATE.
My cousin and really close friend Karl donated $30 which was the biggest donation yet (but now Jordan and my Dad have you beat, sorry boss). I wrote this song for him about a vacation we took with his older brother Garrett and our best friend Jordan a couple summers ago. Garrett and Jordan were on the phone with their girlfriends for a large chunk of the evenings which left me and Karl to chill by ourselves, but it was still a blast.
The lifeguard on the beach we were at was REALLY attractive and I made it clear that I thought that to the guys. I stayed out in the ocean one day and the guys went back in. On the way in, Karl said to the attractive lifegaurd, “Hey, can you just keep an eye on my cousin? He’s… Well… Let’s just say he’s not a good swimmer… Yeah.”
I was planning on employing the help of his older brother, Garrett, but after a while we realized it wasn’t really necessary. But I didn’t change the camera angle… He’s still in it.
movember.
